Let Go and Let God

(I honestly wrote this when I was in a low depressive state. And getting this out actually helped out a lot.)

The glow of the dim ring light and a laptop were the only illumination in the abandoned warehouse. Antonio Cerqueira stared at the screen listlessly, slouching back in a ratty leather armchair. His eyes were red and swollen from crying. 

He sniffled slightly and rubbed his nose slightly. "Fucking hell," he muttered. A small end table sat next to him on his right hand side with a half full glass, a bottle of liquor and a snub nose revolver. Leaning forward, he put his head in his hands and sighed heavily.

Things couldn't have gone more wrong than it did the other day, but it did. Good God, did it ever. 

A simple extraction mission. That's all it was. At least that's what he was told. 

One stray bullet. One goddamned stray bullet made a job that could be done sleepwalking into an absolute nightmare. 

No matter how much he tried to push the image of his charge's dead body out of his mind, the more it stayed close to the surface. The gurgling emanating from the slowly dying man haunted him. Replaying these memories in his mind caused his stomach to roil and cause bile to crawl up his throat. 

Antonio's mouth watered slightly and clapped a hand over it in a desperate bid to ward off vomiting. Dry heaving slowed to controlled breaths, forcing himself to swallow what was in his mouth. 

The screen in front of him flashed for a few moments, glitching in and out; it eventually revealed a video of a person. 

"Hey Antonio..."

He looked up, eyes red rimmed and bleary. 

"Gabriela," he began. "Didn't think you'd call."

She swept her silver hair out of her eyes, staring at him. 

"Of course I would. Shit went south and I had to check up on my folks. I already talked with Sean and Lorelai. They're maintaining but they wanted me to check with you. They..." She hesitated here. Gabriela noted how world weary Antonio looked and wanted to weigh her words carefully. 

"They're worried about you, man."

He looked up at her mournfully. 

"It wasn't your fault, Antonio. I need you to realize this."

He leaned forward, the lights accentuating his red eyes. "THEN WHY ARE THEY DEAD?! I was there; if I turned half a second quicker..."

"Hindsight is and always will be a bitch," she said. "But we can't beat ourselves over it."

He leaned back, sighing heavily. 

"You're right. There's nothing we can do about the past, but we can atone for it in the present." His right hand quickly snatched up the revolver.

Gabriela's eyes widened in realization and horror. 

"Antonio! The fuck are you thinking?!"

He leaned forward, staring at her intently. "I know what I plan on doing. Well...more like leaving it up to God."

Antonio opened the cylinder and tossed a bullet in; spinning it haphazardly and securing it. 

"I'm glad someone is here to witness this," he murmured. "This would be the only way to ensure that someone would find me after the fact."

Pressing the muzzle to his temple, he slowly pulled the trigger. They both flinched when they heard the empty click of the chamber. 

Exhaling in unison, Gabriela raised her voice. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! THIS CAN'T BE THE RIGHT ANSWER, MAN."

A scared yet determined look flitted across Antonio's face for a quick moment. 

"It might not be the answer; but it's an answer that's logical to me. And I know the logic is flawed. But I owe it to myself to see it through; even if the end is less than desirable."

He pulled the hammer back and pulled the trigger. Another click. Pull. Click. Pull. Click. 

"Four down," he murmured. 

It felt a little more real to him. His idea for atonement was starting to get him closer to an end. Which end, he wasn't sure yet. 

He pulled the hammer back one more time and let his index finger rest on the trigger. His finger curled around it, ready to shoot. A ringtone cut across the silence, breaking it and starting Antonio at the same time. Startling him so badly, that he did squeeze the trigger fully.

BANG. 

Gabriela heard the shot, but she didn't have it in her to see what happened. Wait, she thought. There was another sound along with the echo of the gun firing. 

There was...panting?

She opened her eyes to witness Antonio looking wild eyed with a fresh cut on his face, blood slowly seeping from it.

"You okay..?"

Antonio tossed the gun away from him as if it were poisonous. 

"Y...yeah. I think I am. And I think I got the answer I needed."

"And that is?"

"I guess I'm meant to be here for whatever reason. I gotta stay. I evidently am not allowed to leave just yet, especially if I have a hand in it."

She smiled softly at him and nodded. "Well said. Can you do me a favor though, man?"

"Sure," his voice cracking.

"Drop your location right now. I'm gonna come get you and help get you out of there."

"Done." He picked up the phone to do just that and saw the missed call. 

"Huh."

"What's up, Antonio?"

"The number that just called...didn't register at all. Whoever it was...I owe them. Anyway, here you go. Just sent it."

She nodded. "Okay. ETA is 10 minutes. Be ready."

They ended the call, and she stared at the blank screen for a minute to make sure that it was completely finished. She then looked down at a small and simple looking phone.

"Who said it was bad to keep burner phones," she said to no one. Leaving things to chance is one thing, but sometimes providence needed a guiding hand. And that hand had a burner phone clasped in it.